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I wish I could feel as happy as an adult, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
Reasons to get out of bed: Food.
My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It`s "The bill formerly known as a twenty."
It`s all fun and games until the cops show up.
If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherf*cker a reason.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
Don`t judge me just because I sin differently from you.
If you`re having second thoughts, you`re 2 ahead of most people.
If a$$holes could fly, this place would be an airport
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The Matrix.
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass