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I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
have you ever been like "what`s the day today? ... no i mean the like the number".
You guys know that there are things higher than kites, right?
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house ... It was delicious.
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
Half-Drunk is a waste of money.
Been coughing all night & day, can`t seem to stop. Guess I should go see a movie.
Looks like I’m in the doghouse again, but I don’t know why. All I said to the wife was, “Is there anything important you want to tell me before the World Cup starts?”
MY MISSION IS COMPLETE!!! I have successfully wasted a little bit of your time today :) carry on!
I have no time or patience for games in my relationships. Unless by “games” you’re referring to naked Twister. I can make time for that.
I wonder if my neighbors are more tired of hearing my dog bark or me screaming at it to shut the f*ck up.