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If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
when she says "size doesn`t matter" what she really means is "I have been disappointed before." :)
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 3 or 4 births before they throw you out.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? ... I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
Dear Costumer Service: I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to you?
I have two moods: sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.
If you lack motivation, get on treadmill naked in front of mirror.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
I dated this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone. Then I realized he was just putting me on hold.
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
If you want to take a bank teller out on a date, just ask her. Don`t slip her a note at the window. Trust me on this.