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I miss the days when minding your own business was a thing.
Wait...so the "c-word" isn`t co-worker?
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."
I hate it when Hippos fall on me when walking home from school... :D
I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
9 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, & a Facebook… When I was 9, I felt cool with my new markers.
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
Why would I dance like nobody`s watching? People need to see this.
The dollar store needs to go ahead and open up a few gas stations.
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
I walked briskly with scissors today. I’m pretty wild.
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
Me: Mom...Dad. I`ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside
Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.