Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don`t want to touch it any more than you do.
I`d try Taco Bell`s breakfast but I don`t start drinking that early.
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
Friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth that it brings.
You make me want to be a drunker person
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
“Get your panties in a bunch” would make a great slogan at Costco.
If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so we can "like it" and laugh..
Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones? I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones?
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .