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I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed," many women still sleep with their husbands.
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
Could you imagine if guys commented on their guy friends` profiles the way girls do? "Bro, you look so handsome" "Looking hot, man!" "OMG, your jawline is cray" "Ugh, how are you this perfect dude? I`m jelly" "sexy much?!"
One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he f*cked off.
“Can we talk tomorrow?” is my way of saying “I’ll try to do a better job of avoiding you tomorrow?”
When I grow up I wanna be a psychiatrist for the mentally insane...so i can find out what the hell is wrong with you people
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
A real friend is someone who knows how damn crazy you are... But is still willing to be seen out in public with you.
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them much more often
I’m glad to know that we will never have to worry about a lack of weathermen. I mean, I know at least a couple dozen on Facebook.