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I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
Me: "Why do all the people I love leave me?!" UPS Guy: "Please Mam, just sign"
Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones who need it?
It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I`m back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat.
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
I`m putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
The only time I listen to a woman giving directions is when I use my GPS.
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?
Saying a prayer for all the turkeys today. Also the single people with concerned relatives.
Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.
Dear Cashier, you should stop giving me attitude and acting like you`re job is so complicated and stressful....Self-Checkout has proven that pretty much Anyone can do your job.