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What`s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.
What does lolz mean...Laugh out loud zebras?
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you`re ignorant and make bad decisions.
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
Morning workout: Turn on treadmill. Untangle headphones for 14 minutes. Get frustrated, leave and eat doughnuts.
FACT: The higher pitched my "hey!" the greater the chance I don`t remember who you are.
Guys, if you buy ANY woman clothing, & you don’t get her a size S with a gift receipt, you’re an a$$hole.
I wish there was a room where we could go and see all the stuff we have ever lost.
Facebook is a lot like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every couple of minutes to see if there`s anything good, but nothing ever changes :b
My body needs a refresh button.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"