Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"You only live once. LOL JK!" ~ the cat
The Home Alone house is up for sale for 2.4 mil. I’d pay 2.5 (if I had it) just so I could say, “Keep the change you filthy animal.”
Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don`t mix.
Rum balls, rum cake, rum spiked eggnog, rum in fruitcakes...you know, anymore, there`s more of the Captain than of Christ in Christmas...
Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
No, I’m not funny. I’m just really mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.
To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.
I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.
Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
I never fail to win at Rock, Paper, Scissors when I pick up the other person and throw them out the window.
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...