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I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
It`s weird how in England the passenger drives the car
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the heck.
I have over 500 facebook friends, and i want to say that i love you all...except for number 376 ..you`re a real a@@hole!!
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.
The best way to change a woman`s mind is to agree with her.
I often ask myself "What`s wrong with me?" and the answer is ALWAYS "You can`t drink at work"
Karma means I can rest easy at night knowing all the people I treated badly had it coming.
Being alive is so expensive.
Why must I prove I`m me, if I`m callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!