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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of Alcohol
Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes?
Sure, I was walking home from the bar drunk, but I wasn`t even stumbling. My guess is, the cops just had it in for naked people.
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
Waking up an hour early gives you an extra hour to wish you were still in bed.
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
If Wyle E Coyote had enough cash to buy all that ACME stuff why didn’t he just buy dinner?
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
Me: My bed is so warm and cosy. I never want to leave. Bladder: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down post at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he`s trying to bust a move.
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don`t know who to root for.