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Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
with great power...comes great electric bill...
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
I wish I drove a Volkswagen bug. It would be cool to know that every time I drove by a school bus, some kid was getting punched.
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
Am I the only one who thinks my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair?
I don’t know what it is but, it’s on sale.
Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine`s day. Just an FYI.
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on speaking directly to me.
Texting while sitting at a stop light: Helping save lives every day by preventing T-bone collisions with drivers who run red lights. Because of that extra minute it takes for you to realize that the light has turned green, the driver who has no regard for the safety of others entering the intersection legally, can now safely clear the intersection without causing a collision. For this, we thank you.
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
I`m broker than the Tooth Fairy in a house full of Meth addicts.
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.