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It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
I saw the most beautiful painting at the store the other day … but then I realized it was a mirror.
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
I can’t believe it’s 2012 and there is still no fold button on my dryer.
What a snow day inside with the kids! My one son thought it would be a good idea to fill up the garage freezer with snow to save for later and my other son had an "accident" and peed all over the floor in the bathroom. Youd think they know better at 13 and 15 years old! I probably should stop letting them drink beer in the house.
If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn`t have couches at this Best Buy.
Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.
How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she`s the one.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.