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I am the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
Dumped my multiple personality girlfriend yesterday. She took it well, not so well, and she was really upset...
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you have incriminating evidence.
I feel like there should be more breakfast beers on the market.
I am now convinced that the homeless people have all of the shopping carts that do not have the wobbly wheels.
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
It really pisses me off when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
I have decided to give up procrastinating for Lent ... oh, crap.
My favorite exercise is somewhere between a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!