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I accidentally lit the wrong end of a cigarette-that can`t be healthy!
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I`m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
Facebook should win an Emmy for Best Daytime Dramas.
Who`s further now, the Energizer Bunny or Voyager 1?
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
So many people are making history right now. but me, I`m deleting history from my browser.
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.
Well h€ll, I was going to post a status about my p€cker, but it was too long.
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.
Noise canceling toilets should be a thing.