Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate it when I buy organic veggies but when I get them home I find out they are regular frosted donuts...
That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
If you like someone, pretend they`re a charger and you`re an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
I`m easily influenced... That`s why I try not to watch too much porn
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
The awkward moment when people think you`re drunk when in fact you`re just a blast naturally.
Just saw a car at McDonalds take 4 tries to get lined up in a parking space. I`m not judgmental, so I won`t assume what sex she was.
It is amazing how quickly kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, dishwasher, or vacuum cleaner.
Just heard someone pronounce the H in wheel so I`m gonna need a minute
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale