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Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
I made Creme Brulee today. More food should require the use of a blow torch.
I fell asleep on the couch last night & woke up thinking I was married.
I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
I like candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach and hardcore pornography.
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
I always say, "monring" instead of "good morning" because if it was a good morning, I`d still be in bed sleeping.
Don`t tell me I look tired unless you`re offering to carry me
I`ll bet other dogs must think that poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
I love sleep ... it’s like a Time Machine to Breakfast.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.