Daily Silly Status

If my statuses had a smell.. they would smell funny

Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.

Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that...

Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.

For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.

Paint thinner? I call bullsh!t. I been painting myself with it all week and I`m still fat.

I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...

There`s a time and a place for alcohol ... In my hand and now.

I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)

Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.

Sometimes I wish I was a nicer person but then I laugh and continue my day.

Why does the person who snores always fall asleep first?

Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.

Hey, chicks who have words tattooed on your tits... We didn`t come here to read.

if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.