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What is the difference between a trapeze artist and a supermodel?. The trapeze artist has a cunning stunt.
Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
“Are you working right now? Where are you working?” Facebook is worse than my parents.
If you never set it, you always have the excuse, "I overslept because the alarm didn`t go off."
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
My wife said I can definitely have a man cave, if that`s what I want to start calling the hall closet.
I`m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to sh!t indoors.
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. I’m buying a sandwich.
I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I`m not even married.
It`s so cold out I`ve turned 50 Shades Of Blue!
“The darndest things.” -kids
Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn´t surprising really, since it isn´t my birthday.
I don’t necessarily believe in karma, but I’m gonna be extra careful crossing the street after this weekend.
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.
Mini M&M`s - for when you just can`t finish an entire M&M