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I`m sorry I slapped you. It`s just you seemed like you weren`t going to stop talking and I panicked.
I know I have a long way to go but look at how far I`ve come.
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we`re married & live together so I`d have to see them every day.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
I gave up on humanity when I picked up this girl`s phone and saw that my number was saved as Free Food.
Nothing shall separate me from the love of beer...
Why is it when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a deserted island?" , no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
This Pokemon Go crap is getting ridiculous. I just saw a fight breakout between the pokebloods and the pokecrips.
The police never think its as funny as you do.
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports
“I’m not washing it, I’m just gonna shove it in a pony.” If you’re a girl, that sentence is actually ok.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?
You`re right. I don`t have a clue. I`ve never had a clue. It`s part of my charm and it seems to be working for me.