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Your family tree has a couple of coconuts
I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.
I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
Gym Update: Not there.
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
I’m bored enough to clean.
Love going into a crowded area and yelling, "Hey stupid!!" and seeing how many people turn around.
Finally down to my pre-pregnancy/pre-kids weight...well...before my wife had kids I mean.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn`t know how to follow directions."
If your buttcrack is showing out of your pants. I will drop change in it and make a wish.
I just took the "What Kind of Asshole are You?" quiz and got "The kind that posts my results on Facebook".
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"