Daily Silly Status

I’m in my dentist’s waiting room practicing my lies about flossing.

I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.

It`s funny how when you post a status and some people think it`s about them..Hahahaha it was.

If you cry loudly enough at a Walmart everyone will just assume you work there.

i spend 800% off my life exaggerating

I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.

My Boss requested me on facebook. I was like "pssst". If only he knew all the sh*t I post about his ugly @$$.

Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)

At Starbucks drive up window. Me: large iced chai please Them: you mean a venti? Me: large iced chai. Them: we call a large a venti. Me: Do you want a large tip or a venti tip? Them: large iced chai, please pull up.

Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.

Does the Lego movie come with a disclaimer "Some assembly required"?

Life is tough. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it like the rest of us.

My friend David had his ID stolen yesterday. We just call him Dav now

For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.

I`ve got a lot to unlearn.