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Having a contest with my couch and my washing machine to see who has more money. So far I`m in 3rd.
I am currently watching the Holy Grail of horror movies. There are 10 minutes left and the black guy is still alive.
Boss: "Thanks for the coffee. You know what`d go well with this?" Me: "The antidote?" Boss: "No, a donu...Wait, what?" Me: "Nothing"
I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
Just in case you are wondering ... I did not go to Jared.
The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
I found the "one" today! Surprisingly, It`s been on my keyboard all the time.
Giving people the finger while driving just isn`t effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.
If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they`d shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
I bet my road rage will be taken seriously once I get a car.
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.
I prefer a slowie not a quickie.