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The worst part about being stoned at work is realizing it`s your day off.
Do not read the next sentence. You little rebel, that`s why I like you.
This time change has me all messed up. Driving with my hands at 11 and 3 is hard
I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’. You probably saw our posters on poles.
Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
If by crunches you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes I do crunches.
It`s a little disappointing when you`re watching a school basket ball game & no one turns into a werewolf.
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
Why do blurry people always ask me if I’m drunk?
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.