Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you´re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for.
Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
I often worry about the safety of my children ... Especially the one who is talking back right now.
Just quit my job so I can spend more quality time giving out candy crush extra lives.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
This status is mine....I licked it.
It’s a little sad that today’s youth don’t get to experience a red rubber dodgeball to the face like we did back in the day.
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station`s phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.
I really hope my spirit animal is a bear because well I would love to hibernate all winter.
For once I would like to see a horoscope that says, "You`re totally f*cked this month"