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I think the only way I’ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I’m in prison.
This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
If anyone every texts me "who is this" I always respond "Jake from State Farm"
Stall Cleaning service, Satisfaction guaranteed or 100% or you manure back!
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
If something on this page offends you, please bring it to our attention so we can all laugh at you.
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
I`d rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.