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I`m at my most judgmental when standing behind someone in a buffet line.
The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
I’ve noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be.
Summer needs to slow the hell down.
Just completed a 0.00 mile run - preceded by 11 oreo cookies
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
I don`t post a lot of personal statuses - but when I do it`s all about you ..
It is amazing how quickly kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, dishwasher, or vacuum cleaner.
We have cars that park themselves but I still gotta wave my hand 15 times before a paper towel comes out the dispenser
It`s amazing how much more money I have when I`m drunk.