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Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
Dad, I love how we don`t even have to say out loud that I`m your favorite. Happy Fathers Day!
Test drove a Jaguar today. Very fast but the ride was pretty bumpy and the saddle kept falling off. I also think he tried to bite me.
Your duty as a friend is to LIKE my Facebook posts even if they suck.
spank me, its the only way i`ll learn.
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
My boss told me that if I can`t show up sober then don`t bother coming to work tomorrow. Three day weekend!
We have cars that park themselves but I still gotta wave my hand 15 times before a paper towel comes out the dispenser
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.
I have a condition that renders me unable to go on a diet… I get hungry.