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I`m glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It`s really come in handy this parallelogram season.
I talked to my mom, and she said she probably hadn`t had sex with any of you guys. Damn dirty liars.
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
The Zoo is a safe place to fart.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?
Just signed a $320,000, nine year deal with my therapist.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
Why do they call it "Jew-ish"? Are they not Jew enough?