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Somehow I thought growing up would involve more than staring at my phone
Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.
The best things in life are free, but they still screw you on shipping.
Ever wonder if the McDonalds logo is the letter "m" or just an image of your butt cheeks it will cause?
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
Walmart: the only place on Earth you can get a haircut, eye exam, ice cream sandwich, tires for your car, and witness a real life "what not to wear" episode.
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
You know you had a good night when you have to Google map yourself in the morning to find out where the hell you are.
If I can see you, you`re invading my personal space.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
If he uses an iPhone 5 in Taken 3 he`s going to be spending half the movie charging it.
WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don’t really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted