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Have you ever tried blind-folded archery? You don`t know what you`re missing.
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
My husband is not allowed to help with math anymore. Apperently 4 = 6.5 in his reality.
Ladies, how do I work my man boobs and get out of a ticket? Quick, she`s coming.
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
I’ve made some pretty bad choices in life but I have to admit, having orange juice with Oreos was the worst.
Happy "Another excuse to drink" Day!
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
There are 2 types of people in this world, those who press “door close” in the elevator before others can jump on & those who are liars.
If we could master the look dogs have when we’re eating in front of them, we’d be able to have sex with any woman at will.
The guy who named the umbrella meant to call it a brella but he hesitated.
I live in fear that my death will somehow be connected to the opening of a pressurized Pillsbury cinnamon roll container.
Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, I’m really disappointed with Bill Gates.
Irony. The opposite of wrinkly.
A sure cure for sea-sickness is to sit under a tree.