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Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
I wish more people were fluent in silence.
feels like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
That amazing moment when you smack the remote and it actually works!
If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they`d leave that one on too.
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
If you don’t like my sense of humor please tell me… so I can laugh at you!
How many Weight Watcher points are in an entire bottle of wine?
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.