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I don’t know if I have a stalker, but if I do, could you drop off some milk. Thanks.
If you were a Pokemon, I`d choose you.
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
When I said I missed you, I meant with a hammer.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
It`s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager.
I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"
Help I`m covered in chameleons & no one believes me
I bet kangaroos get drunk and find some ridiculous shit in their pouches in the morning.
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It`s useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.
Get Dora and Boots on this missing plane case now, Dora solves the case everytime
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?