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People around me think I`m losing it. So today, I had to sit myself down and have a talk.
More food should come with prizes inside it.
It’s the getting ahead that I’m running behind on.
We should do this “3-day weekend” thing more often.
If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
thinks whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never been to a nude beach!!
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?
I`m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.
Im at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to sh!t faster because it`s cold.
When reality kicks in… add more booze.
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards