Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they`ll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you`re at it, too.
Do handjobs from girls who speak sign language count as blowjobs
Childless people wondering what it`s like to have some kiddos? Make a lovely healthy breakfast. Take it and throw it all over the floor.
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
Iām starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn`t fill it out cause I couldn`t find my crayons!!
Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full.
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?