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Spent the morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
I`m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I`m sure it has Rabies.
I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
You know you’re awesome when you know you’re awesome.
I try not to be rude, but some people make it hard work.
I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross.
My dog reacts to the vacuum cleaner the same way I react when my wife says "We need to talk".
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
What I lack in sex appeal I make up in staying home and drinking.
My mind has a mind of its own.
Friends are like slinkys, they are twisted as heck but you can`t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.
Tieam... problem solved
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.