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I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on your wall again.
This status update is only available in English.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...
I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
I’m really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta when cooking, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonight…I got extra.
You know what`s really great about being a narcissist? Me.
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
I didn`t sleep well last night so this morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. Half way to work I realized I forgot my car.
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Sunday is Mother`s Day, which means Facebook is gonna be annoying as crap...
Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as “grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube.”
Why is it called mooning when you`re actually showing uranus?
Word for today: Dipshidiot
Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.