Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads
My car doesn’t have a passenger airbag but don’t worry, if we get in an accident all the McDonalds napkins in the glove box will cushion you
Just had workplace violence training. It`s like HR doesn`t even care about the first rule of fight club.
I think it`s really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Benjamin, agrees with me.
I`m done chasing people who aren`t willing to do the same for me. After today, the ice cream man can go f*ck himself!!
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
Who decided to call the man purse a satchel and not a douchebag?
When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
I was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself “Enough is enough, that’s plenty of awesome for one day”
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and sighing heavily and crossing her arms and holding in a fart.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
My therapist says I`m a clueless, un-observant trainwreck. Which is weird because up until this moment, I never even knew he was a therapist.