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I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
I didn`t text you. Vodka texted you.
I hate when I spend the extra money to buy organic vegetables only to get home and find out that I bought regular donuts.
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
Why is the jolly Green giant so damn jolly
Half of me is a hopeless romantic. And the other half of me is, well, an asshole.
My mother always used to think that my friends were bad influences. ..I wonder if she`s figured out yet that I was the one coming up with all the ideas? ;)
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
And Jesus said, those footprints on the beach where two sets become one, that`s where I unfollowed you.
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.
Cute things to put in a letter to your boyfriend/girlfriend; I adore you. You complete me. Must stay 500 yards away at all times.