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I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
People of planet Earth, thank your gods that I`m not in charge of the red button.
Dumped my multiple personality girlfriend yesterday. She took it well, not so well, and she was really upset...
take me drunk i`m home
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
"Hello, 911? Hi, I was just wondering: is it stop, drop, THEN roll? Cause my friend--STOP SCREAMING, I`M ASKING THEM"
"How about if I put a balloon over it? Would you touch it then?" -guy who invented condoms
Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".
If you really think about it, "Nightlife" is just a fancy word for drinking alcohol at a place that isn`t your house.
Maybe there`s no such thing as automatic doors, just gentlemen ninjas.
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me
Just got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it ... Sounds about right for this Monday
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
I don`t need a New Years Resolution, I`m already awesome!