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I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
I don’t hate you, I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
I`m single by choice. Not MY choice. But it`s still a choice
People are always gonna talk about you, so you might as well give them something good to say.
Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
I know the voices ain`t really, but man, do they ever come up with some great ideas.
Waitress: `Do u have any questions about the menu?` Me: `What kind of font is this?`
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
Sitting out in my front yard pointing a hair dryer at speeding cars to see if any slow down.
Line forms here for spankings
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco...they have concrete walls...years of foods and supplies...and best of all the zombies can`t get in without a Costco membership card.