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I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
I read "Do not believe everything you read." Now I`m not sure whether to believe this or not.
If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
The only problem with using the treadmill is that you can`t run from your own farts.
All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now.
Doctor: How`s your headache? Patient: She`s out of town.
If you drink enough tonight, you won`t have to lie when you call in sick tomorrow.
Women say they love a man in uniform but when i go clubbing in my McDonalds uniform none of them will talk to me....I`m confused
Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones who need it?
This post is just for you.
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
Secretly replaced the bacon with beggin` strips. Let`s see if the customers notice.
Ahhh, the 4th of July. The day where trips to hospital start with the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
My nickname at work is "HR wants to see you"