Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I say "It`s a long story," it doesn`t mean it`s actually a long story. It means I just don`t want to tell you.
Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like Iām choking it to death.
Today is the day I go back to the gym. Tomorrow is when I stop telling lies.
Doing word problems as a kid has helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn`t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throw away ANYTHING, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord..
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions...
I`m getting worried about this Ebola virus. I mean, I`ve got Norton but...
Be careful who you call friends. I`d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
I`m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.
I`m like the toughest guy in this comic book store.
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
everyone has that one crazy person in there family...but in my case everyone is just as crazy as i am!XD
Iām still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.
Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.