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Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
Don`t be part of the problem. Be the ENTIRE problem.
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
I`m at my most likable before you get to know me.
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014.”
Every morning I swallow a piece of paper that says "Keep up the good work fellas!!" just in case I die and the doctors have to do an autopsy on me
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole....
When my dog sniffs another dog’s poop I can only assume that it’s their equivalent to checking a friend’s facebook page.
Did you know that if we laid all the facebook account owners end to end around the world. Three quarters of them would Drown? Hmm ....