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Wedding: The really expensive party taking place relatively 5-10 years before your divorce.
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
What I learned in college 1.Water bottles are a great way to hide vodka. 2. When your thirsty in the morning you will regret #1.
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
What idiot called it Adderall instead of Accomplish Mints?
It`s tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
I`ve never said "in all seriousness" and actually meant it.
If noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
Marriage counseling - because sometimes your spouse needs to hear from a professional that they are being an a$$
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.