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Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he`ll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
I don`t get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn`t it already cracked to begin with?
Is it just me that finds it disturbing that you can accidentally make a baby but you can`t accidentally make a pizza?
According to Pinterest, I`m severely under-utilizing mason jars.
Whenever I watch the TV show Friends, I imagine I`m the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him.
“I’m not washing it, I’m just gonna shove it in a pony.” If you’re a girl, that sentence is actually ok.
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.
Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.
A coworker gave me an invitation to her wedding in case you were wondering why this paper airplane I’m making has lace on it.
What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?