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The covers of this book are too far apart.
Plan B includes margaritas.
When people say they did something "like a boss" I just picture them doing it fatter and with less hair
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
I can`t decide what`s more embarrassing - the fact that I still live out of a suitcase, or that I`m a professional ventriloquist dummy.
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
For someone who can`t put on a pair of socks without falling over, I sure do manage to get a lot done every day.
Cheers to alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life’s problems!
The true trollers are the ones who troll the trolls.
As long as I remind myself "The b!tch had it coming" is not a valid court defense, I`ll be ok
It takes me like three days to wake up in the morning.
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.