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Who else has dropped the phone on their face while laying in bed reading Facebook?
I`m never more nervous than when I tell a doctor what I actually eat.
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
I was an atheist, until I realized I was a sex god.
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
You use Google every day but I bet you can’t remember the order of the colors.
A procrastinator’s work is never done.
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."