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A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow
You do realize everyone can see your status right?
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Every day is just a new opportunity to eat pizza.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
A real friend is someone who knows how damn crazy you are... But is still willing to be seen out in public with you.
Few people have the balls to admit when they`re wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.
If you`re ever sad, just imagine how much worse it would be to be a tree that spent years and years growing up, only to end up as a Justin Bieber notebook
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she says I was obsessed with football. I was shocked. I mean we were together for 3 1/2 seasons.