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I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
Why is maple syrup so expensive?.. It grows on trees doesn`t it?
You should never lie through your teeth. Open your mouth and speak properly.
Heads up, peeps. There are over 700 fake Obamacare sites ready to swipe your info. Pro tip: The real site is the one that doesn`t work...
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!
No matter what`s happening there`s always part of me that would rather be taking a nap or drinking.
I asked my wife what women really want, she said attentive lovers. Or maybe she said "a tent of lovers." I wasn`t really listening.
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.