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If I won the lottery, I don`t think I would change much. I`d still be the same asshole, just one in a helicopter.
A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
My minivan is always rocking, but it`s usually because I`m trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
I heard Disney bought and are relocating the White House to Disneyland. They Say, it will be the new Center Piece of FANTASY LAND.
I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes this morning. Tomorrow I might even turn it on, but let’s not rush into things.
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
My Facebook weather forecast looks like I can expect 2 or 3 inches of drama tonight followed by a lot of bullsh!t blowing in from all directions in the morning.
Several decisions I make on a daily basis hinge upon the question "illegal or just frowned upon?"
No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it.
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.