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If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 7 am is sexy... Then yeah, I`m your guy.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my phone. 1. I don`t have a girlfriend.
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
If u think someone (me) is cute u should tell them (me)
I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
Nothing says "under the thumb" like a joint Facebook account
"You clean up nicely", is just a polite way of saying, "You usually look like sh!t."
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.