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Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed
They say swearing is due to limited vocabulary. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer`f*ck off` to `go away`.
Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
I`m "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don`t trust my farts anymore" years old.
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
If I`ve offended you in the past, please accept my apology, and shove it up your a$$.
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
Not sure yet why this cookie dough has baking instructions on the package.
Know why girls cross their arms when they`re angry? Boobs. Just a little reminder of who`s in charge around here.
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
A lot of people don`t know this, but you can quietly like or dislike Obama.
Missing my childhood super-powers, when I could sleep on the couch and wake up in bed.