Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
Funniest thing ever heard on TV. "Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night"
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
How can you tell if a smurf has the blues?
I will always love you, even if I have to from no closer than 300 feet.
I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder.
Whenever I weigh myself, I always subtract 10 pounds. I don`t think boobs, brains, and an ass this fabulous should count against me.
My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I`m great at pole dancing.
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
My bf just got out of jail. Says life in jail for him was a big pain in the a$$
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much sh!t to carry.