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I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.
I`m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
Dear parents of college students on Spring Break, Congrats! Many of you are about to be grandparents!
Your so vain...you probably think this post is about you
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.
Of course you should follow me. I’m funny. Ask anyone. Well, except my mother-in-law. Don`t ask her.
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
Put your gossiping skills to the test, go write a novel...
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"
Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.