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i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
Thinking of getting another kitchen table just for all my mail
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
1st thing I do after great sex! Turn the alarm clock off.........
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE DASHBOARD PICS!
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
The phrase "use of the jerk-off motion is prohibited" has been added to our HR manual because of me. It`s like winning an award.
I have some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.
I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
Some people say I`m a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you`re fired"