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My dad taught me righty tighty, lefty loosie.... that`s why I never dated left handed chicks.
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on the internet.
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
I flunked anger management class.
It’s a little sad that today’s youth don’t get to experience a red rubber dodgeball to the face like we did back in the day.
According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not sharks though. Or bees. Viruses. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don’t love anything.
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.
Common Sense is so rare, it should be classified as a super power.
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
Babies dont have parents, they have staff.
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon