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I hope this guy at the urinal next to me can see that I`m checking Facebook and not taking pictures.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend.
If you think you hate me now, wait till I start answering your rhetorical questions.
If you`re a vegan an atheist and a liberal, how do you choose which way to annoy people at Thanksgiving first?
Helpful Tip: When your wife ask whats on TV, don`t say dust.
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
I`ve seen more pins in the last few days then stone cold steve austin on groundhog day..
Non alcohilic beer, for people who like to pee but hate that annoying buzz.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven...does God hide behind the pearly gates and pretend he`s not in?
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
There`s no way to gracefully remove a jacket while wearing a seatbelt...
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn`t have waffle cones but they had pictures of waffle cones. That guy was me.
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.