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I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
The first thing I do when I get a telemarketer call is say "Let`s go off script. What are you wearing?"
Kids, because why would you want to sleep on more than 6 inches of your king size bed?
I hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me. It`s like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.
Sometimes my life feels like a 40 year long episode of Punk`d...
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
You know a guy likes you when his pants give you a thumbs up ;)
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it’s time to get a job.
I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.
Save water, shower together.
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver