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How to make friends: 1. Tell people you have weed.
Dear Maytag: Why don`t your dryers have a Fold cycle? It`s 2018 for chrissake!
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
Your girl always on her knees. What she forgot she had feet?
Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs
If I drove a UPS truck there’s a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners.
If you`re not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you`re probably boring.
Save some time and just put your Taco Bell directly in the toilet.
I need a job that pays at least 10,000 dollars an hour.
Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.
I think Facebook now comes under the housework category.
I really think my life would be a lot better if my fitness app would just lower its standards