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It may look like I’m having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
I hate when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache...and then she won`t talk to you anymore.
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
I took a 5hr energy today. they`re right about being able to multitask because it made me puke and poop at the sametime..
I don`t hate you, but I hope you fall in love and get married.
Getting a text from someone when I`m trying to Facebook is the emotional equivalent to walking into a spider web.
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep
Dear Cashier, you should stop giving me attitude and acting like you`re job is so complicated and stressful....Self-Checkout has proven that pretty much Anyone can do your job.