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"Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It`s my first summer.
I decided I`m going to be poor... Its Cheaper :)
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
If you get pulled over in a Smart Car for speeding, you should get a standing ovation, not a ticket.
Safe words are for quitters.
"I wanna f*ck you so hard right now." "What?!?" "Damn autocorrect, I meant hey."
Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
I have found my sleep number and it is eleven, eleven beers.
Apparently when your girlfriend says "f*ck that bitch", you`re not supposed to take her seriously.
Shouting "Not it!" should still make us exempt from doing anything that we don`t feel like doing.
I`m broker than the Tooth Fairy in a house full of Meth addicts.
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.