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Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
Still waiting for a "Where are they now?" episode about the Flintstones
I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
I have a pretty big ass, so when I half ass something you`re still getting something impressive.
No one appreciates the special genius of your conversation like the dog does
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it over and over.
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It`s not like a murderer will come in thinking "I`m gonna ki..- ahh damn! He`s under a blanket
u cant spell awesome without me
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
They`re called `selfies` because the only one who`s interested in them is yourself.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
I put the PRO in inappropriate!
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.
I fight evil wherever it may be ... except in dark, scary places.